Friday, April 10, 2009

I Got Shoes

I got shoes.
You got shoes.
All God’s children got shoes….
--from an old gospel song


I was talking to Salaama today about a loved one who, we think, is missing a great opportunity. Why is he hesitating over a prospect that seems so ideal, we wondered? Was it fear? Ego? Wisdom? We don’t know—we can’t know—what keeps him from making a move. All we know is that he is a grown man, making his own choices. He must have his reasons, we reminded ourselves.

“I guess I could afford to put myself in his shoes,” Salaama said, wisely. We agreed that doing so was a sure way to conjure up compassion and push judgment aside. And thinking about things from other people’s point of view almost certainly adds value to your relationship with them.

But I told her that I realized that I sometimes spent so much time worrying about what's happening in other folks’ shoes, that I don’t pay enough attention to what’s happening in my own.

If you’re a wife, a mother or a caretaker of any kind, you probably know the feeling. You’re constantly considering the needs of the people you love. Not just what they need in the moment, but what they’re going to need, what they might need.

Take next week: Said Husband would normally be on parenting duty on Monday, a day I commute to work. But he’s doing an overnight shift the night before. And though he’ll be home in time to take care of Little Bitty, I think he’ll be tired, so I’m planning for her to be somewhere on Monday so he can rest. (And so she won't be home all day with a Daddy who's too tired to play.)

I guess all that comes with the territory to some degree or another. We’re a family after all—so one person’s choices affect the others. But what happens when it goes beyond the family schedule?

It wasn't that long ago that it hit me that I was thinking about everybody else’s career choices and health needs and financial concerns—but paying very little to my own. What was my plan for the future? Where was my next check coming from? How was I fulfilling my reason for being? Is urging someone else to move and grow really the source of my own movement and growth? I don’t want to look up one day and realize that I’ve spent all my energy worrying about other folks’ choices—choices I can’t control anyway—and have done nothing to further my own purpose for being on the planet.

My mother’s father, a poor man with ten children to clothe and feed, insisted on “good shoes”—sturdy soles and high-quality leather—for them all. And he insisted that those hard-earned shoes be well taken care of. I remember my own Daddy sitting down on Saturday nights to wax and polish his shoes for Sunday morning and the rest of the week. These are the people who taught me that taking care of your soles is a good investment. It think they would say that taking care of your own soul is, too.

5 comments:

37paddington said...

So wise! Very thought provoking for us mothers.

Pearl Mattenson, CPCC, ACC said...

great imagery. Could get me going. So what are my shoes like? What are they for? Walking, running, hiking? river running? Where can they take me? How do I care for them? How do they care for me? Thanks!

Writing4Peace said...

Hey Tamara,
I loved the summary ... the analogy ... the play on words ... shoes and roles in life ... the soles of the shoes & souls of our life. That is it. That's just it ... we are supposed to manage and spend on the growth & development of OUR OWN individual souls - not someone else's. If I spend all of my time worrying about someone else's shoes and souls ... my soul will be too worried and weary to support the bigger role that G-d wants me to play in life. G-d tells us that He will not give us more than we have the strenght to bear, but sometimes we try to take on the world. This reminds me of the upgrade that I made a couple of years ago to the most comfortable pair of tennis shoes that I have EVER owned. It is the sole of the shoe that makes the shoe so comfortable & gives me such a relaxed fit. Wearing the shoe makes my task of running here and there less of a burden. It was funny that I did not even realize how uncomfortable I was in my old tennis shoes until AFTER I upgraded to the new pair. This holds true for the state of the soul ... I'll realize even more just how uncomfortable I am in this current role AFTER I start to work on cultivating my soul. The role that I am currently in is the one that I have chosen to "sit" in - not the one that G-d has destined for me. Hopefully, I'll be able to look back and wonder "why hadn't I started this sincere soul work sooner?" There is a verse from my Scripture that says, "...never will G-d change the condition of a people until they change what is in their souls ...". I noticed you have an article in "Heart & Soul" magazine ... the 2 definitely go hand in hand ... paraphrasing, our Spiritual Leader said if you find yourself not on the path that G-d wants you on, the heart might me lost. He tells us that we have to get the heart back first ... and then other things will start to fall in place ... So, that's where you'll find me ... reclaiming my own, personal Heart & Soul.

SFS said...

Taking care of self--something many of us women forget to do far too often. Thanks for the reminder.

L'Tanya said...

Great analogies. I have to be careful that all of this noble caretaking isn't masking the things I'm putting off taking care of for myself. I'm always checking my motivation.