Your Man is Wonderful
I don’t know about you, but I’m big on Signs from the Universe and this seemed like a neon billboard. Okay, okay, I thought. I get it. I’ve got to appreciate my guy more. I’ve got to be more affectionate. I’ve got to overlook his little flaws and quirks and annoying habits. Okay. OKAY!
It actually seems like a good book—and probably an even easier read than the Susan Page one I've been trying to get through. I skimmed it and it does say some simple, pertinent things about how to remember he's a good guy. Here’s the gist:
Good = honest, reliable, trustworthy, responsive, responsible and appreciative.
That’s it.
And here’s the problem: We don’t see these “wonders” because
- We don’t recognize how vital and important these basics are
- “We pick (to death) a man’s superficial flaws”
- We don’t allow the emotional space for the good stuff to grow
- We want what they can’t give us
In other words, we expect too much. That’s basically it, isn’t it? We want more than they can give us.
I’m going to read the book more thoroughly and see what else it has to offer. (BTW, it's by Noelle Nelson Ph.D. and it's due out in January.) It seems worth ruminating on. I know that I’m guilty of all four of the “don’ts” above. I don’t often stop to think that, I married Said Husband because he had the six good qualities—and I recognized them as a great foundation for a good relationship. Those feel like lowest common denominators for me. But I’m also beginning to recognize that time takes its toll and if someone isn't actively cultivating those qualities or allowing them to “flourish,” the denominator can get lower. The guy who used to be responsive shuts down. The one who used to be there when you needed him can’t be found.
My problem is that when I'm asked to do more to "cultivate" him, I get caught up in this burning question: Where is the book called Your Woman is Wonderful? The self-help bookshelves are lined with books about how to find a great guy and make him happy. But I don’t remember having seen titles that offer the “wonderful” man advice on how to show appreciation for the wife who bore his 8-pound babies and picks up his stiff, sweaty socks after she comes home from work and before she starts cooking dinner.
That’s the thing that makes me feel just...tired. With all the work that women do—much that goes unnoticed, unappreciated or dismissed—we’re also supposed to find time to develop strategies for cultivating his wonderfulness and protecting his six precious qualities.
I want to see the book for guys called Wow, Your Wife is Great or Man, What a Catch! Maybe it’s out there and I just haven’t seen it. I’m going to do a search. I’ll let you know what I find.
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3 comments:
I can't wait to hear the results of your search. I don't think men even read books about relationships. When society's unspoken urging is to find that man and get married, a good man is hard to find, and there is a "man shortage" (since so many men are gay or in prison), men probably don't feel the need to do relationship stuff. Maybe they feel like we're just damn lucky to have found them and there are plenty more where we come from. But then again, I have heard men say that a good woman is hard to find. Go figure!
I wish you were writing for us...a lil' book review here and there?
Tamara - You're right - and "Your Woman is Wonderful" is my next book. What you'll find as you read "Your Man is Wonderful" is all the kudos given to women along the way, for you can't help but discover, as you nurture the wonderful in your man, the wonderful in yourself. And the guys described by the Ladies in the book (all real women, btw) value and cherish their women as wonderful. Which we are!
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